Positive reinforcement in children is one of the most powerful ways to build confidence and nurture good behavior. Instead of focusing on what kids do wrong, it shifts the spotlight to what they’re doing right, motivating them to make good choices.

Would you rather work for a boss who constantly points out your mistakes or one who recognizes your efforts and celebrates your wins? Kids are no different. When they receive positive reinforcement, like a high-five or heartfelt “I’m proud of you,” they’re more likely to repeat those behaviors.

Positive reinforcement also strengthens emotional well-being and social skills. It helps kids develop a sense of security, knowing their actions have good consequences. A 2020 study in the journal Child Development found that children who received frequent positive reinforcement developed stronger self-control and emotional regulation skills, which helped them make better decisions even when adults weren’t around.

We’re not suggesting you hand out rewards for every little thing, but rather use positive reinforcement deliberately to guide behavior in a way that feels meaningful. Here’s a guide to navigating the nuances and doing this effectively.

What is positive reinforcement?

Positive reinforcement in children is a method for rewarding good behavior so it happens more often. When kids share a toy, use kind words, or finish their homework without a meltdown, give them praise or a small reward that reinforces that behavior.

Let’s clear up a common mix-up: positive reinforcement is not the same as negative reinforcement or punishment. Negative reinforcement is about removing something unpleasant to encourage behavior. Here’s an example: if a child hates doing the dishes but you tell them, Hey, if you finish your homework early, you can skip dish duty tonight, that’s negative reinforcement. You’re taking away something they don’t like as a reward.

Punishment, on the other hand, is all about consequences for bad behavior. It might work in the short term, but it often leaves kids feeling frustrated, ashamed, or resentful rather than learning why they should behave differently.

That’s why positive reinforcement is so great! It teaches kids that good behavior leads to good outcomes. When kids associate their actions with positive feelings, they’re way more likely to repeat them.

Types of positive reinforcement for children

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to positive reinforcement in children. What works for one kid might not work for another. You have to find what clicks with your child and use it in a way that feels right. Here are some common types of positive reinforcement with examples of each:

• Verbal praise:

  • “I love how you shared your toy with your friend! That was so kind.”

  • “You worked so hard on that puzzle! Look how many pieces you put together.”

  • “Great job using your inside voice at the restaurant. That made dinner so much more fun for everyone.”

• Tangible rewards:

  • Stickers or stamps on a reward chart

  • A small treat like an extra bedtime story or a favorite snack

  • A fun new pencil, eraser, or toy for reaching a milestone

• Social reinforcement:

  • Giving a high-five or a fist bump

  • Offering a hug or a pat on the back

  • Flashing a big smile and acknowledging their efforts

• Activity-based rewards:

  • Letting them pick the family movie for the night

  • Giving them extra playtime at the park

  • Allowing them to choose what’s for dinner

  • Planning a fun outing together

Effective strategies to use positive reinforcement

Using positive reinforcement effectively requires that you do it in a way that actually helps shape their behavior. If it’s too vague, inconsistent, or delayed, it loses its impact. Here are a few simple but effective strategies:

• Be specific:

  • “Great job sharing your toys with your sister! That was really thoughtful.”

  • “I love how you put your shoes away without being asked. That was so responsible.”

• Be immediate: Kids live in the moment, so the sooner you reinforce a behavior, the stronger the connection. If they do something great, acknowledge it right then and there. 

• Be consistent: If you only reinforce good behavior sometimes, kids might not fully understand what’s expected of them. Try to acknowledge positive actions regularly, even for small things. It doesn’t mean over-praising, just making a habit of recognizing effort and kindness.

• Use a reward system: For some kids, visual reinforcement works wonders. Sticker charts, token systems, or point-based rewards can help keep them motivated.

• Encourage intrinsic motivation:

  • “You worked really hard on that drawing—how does it feel to see it finished?”

  • “You must be so proud of yourself for helping clean up. I know I’m proud of you!”

Common mistakes to avoid

Positive reinforcement is an incredible tool, but like anything, it works best when used the right way. If it’s not done right, it can have an opposite effect than intended. When running a daycare business, it's important to tailor your approach to each student—otherwise, you may see a negative result.

Here are some common pitfalls to watch out for:

Overusing rewards to the point of creating dependency

Rewards are great for motivation, but if kids start expecting a prize every time they do something right, they may lose the ability to feel proud just because. 

The fix: Keep rewards occasional and balanced. Mix in intrinsic reinforcement (helping them recognize their own success) with external rewards. 

Being too vague with praise

A simple “Good job!” might seem encouraging, but it doesn’t give kids much direction. Good job with what? They won't necessarily repeat the behavior if they don’t know why they’re being praised.

The fix: Be specific when reinforcing good behavior. Instead of saying, “Nice work,” try:

• “I love how you put all your books away without being asked! That was so responsible.”

• “You were really patient while waiting your turn. Thank you for being so considerate.”

Reinforcing undesirable behaviors unintentionally

Ever laughed when a toddler says something sassy? Or given in after a child whines long enough? Sometimes, what feels harmless teaches kids that certain behaviors get them attention or rewards.

The fix: Instead of caving when your child whines for candy, reinforce the behavior you do want: “I love how you asked politely. Let’s pick out a snack together."

Using bribes instead of true reinforcement

Bribery and reinforcement might sound similar, but they’re totally different in practice. A bribe happens before the behavior. Positive reinforcement, on the other hand, comes after the behavior as a natural consequence of their actions.

The fix: Set clear expectations and reward behavior after the fact. If a child expects a treat every time they behave well, it turns into a transaction instead of a habit. Instead, focus on making them feel good about their choices.

Positive reinforcement helps shape who kids become. It builds their confidence, teaches them self-discipline, and helps them develop the emotional and social skills they’ll carry for life. 

No one gets positive reinforcement right 100% of the time, so start small. That could mean swapping out “good job” for something more specific. Or making a conscious effort to notice the little moments, like when your child tries something out of their comfort zone.

Behavior change takes time, and kids (just like adults) will have good days and bad days. But every bit of encouragement adds up, and before you know it, those small, positive moments will start to shape who they are.